i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
