he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
is wine microwaveable?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
