My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
