I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
