I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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