Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
