The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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