I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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