That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
