I'm eating all of the evidence.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
