And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
