I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
