Your mouth is God's brothel.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
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after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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