; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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