I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
