I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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