I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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