i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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