So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
