I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
