do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
