it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
