Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
