Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
