the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
