Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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