I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
