Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Randomize
