He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
