I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
