matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i think i have herpe
just one?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
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So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
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You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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