i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
