I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
