i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize