how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
