Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You dont lie about slip and slides
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
