Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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