Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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