ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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