our cab driver is having phone sex.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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