Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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