shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
