I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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