When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
