Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
