I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
