Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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