things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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