Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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