Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
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I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
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I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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