We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
