Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
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