This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
