return my video game
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
