im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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