Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
