so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
