I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize