Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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