you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
