There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
