Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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