it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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