Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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