Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
