yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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