shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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