Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
