Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
