He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
