I think im going to throw up on grandma
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
