who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
