I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
