I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
