btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
