Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
