I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
