Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
