I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
