Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
