Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
